When a man contacts your center inquiring about abortion, how should you respond? While many centers strive to be welcoming and compassionate toward male callers, they may not always extend the same level of care and engagement as they would with a female caller. This is often due to a misunderstanding of the man's role and intentions.
Extensive training is provided to advocates on how to support abortion-minded women, but men also play a crucial role in pregnancy decisions. It is essential to expand our approach and ensure that every call is handled with empathy, professionalism, and strategic guidance.
In this article, we will explore best practices for engaging with abortion-minded men who call ensuring they feel heard, supported, and empowered to play a constructive role in the pregnancy decision.
Avoid Making Assumptions
It is easy to assume that a man calling about abortion is pressuring his partner into the decision. While this may be the case in some instances, many men are genuinely seeking information and guidance. They may feel powerless, uncertain, or deeply concerned about their partner's well-being.
Common Types of Male Callers:
The Supporter: He is gathering information on behalf of his girlfriend, who may be too anxious to reach out herself.
The Heartbroken Partner: He does not want the abortion, but his partner does, and he is desperate for options.
The Fearful or Uncertain Father: He is apprehensive about fatherhood and looking for reassurance.
The Coercive Partner: He is advocating for abortion, often due to fear, ignorance, or personal circumstances rather than malice.
Every caller deserves to be heard. Dismissing his concerns or making him feel unimportant could mean missing an opportunity to positively influence the situation. Even men who initially advocate for abortion may be open to reconsideration when approached with empathy, information, and support.
Give Him a Voice
For decades, men have been told, "It’s her body, her choice." Many believe their role is to simply support whatever decision their partner makes, even if they feel conflicted. However, research indicates that a woman’s pregnancy decision is often influenced by how supported she feels. If a man remains silent, his partner may interpret it as indifference rather than support.
Encourage open dialogue by:
Affirming his role: Reinforce that his feelings and opinions matter.
Calm his nerves: Acknowledge his emotions, whether they include fear, uncertainty, or grief.
Encourage communication: Emphasize the importance of healthy, informed conversations between him and his partner.
Suggested Script: "Thank you for calling. Many men we speak with feel uncertain about sharing their thoughts on a pregnancy decision. They often believe that saying, ‘I support whatever you decide,’ is the most helpful approach. However, as the father of this baby, your perspective is important. Research shows that most women want to know where their partner stands in order to feel fully supported. It’s commendable that you are seeking information to make an informed decision for both yourself and your partner. How are you feeling about this situation? What questions do you have that I can help answer?"
This approach validates his concerns and opens the door for meaningful conversations that can influence his decision—and ultimately, his partner’s as well.
Address His Unique Concerns
Men facing an unexpected pregnancy often have different worries than women. They may be primarily focused on:
Financial Responsibilities: “How will I afford this?”
Loss of Freedom: “My life is going to change forever.”
Uncertain Relationship Status: “We are not in a committed relationship—how can we co-parent?”
Readiness for Fatherhood: “I don’t feel prepared to be a father.”
A helpful way to ease these concerns is to remind him that they do not need to make a final decision immediately. Instead, encourage him to gather all the necessary information and consider the available support resources as he talks it over with the mother.
Suggested Response: "I understand that this is a significant decision, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. The good news is that nothing needs to change today. The best step forward is to take a moment to slow down, gather all the facts, and make an informed plan together. That’s exactly what we help couples do here."
Additionally, reassuring him that your center provides practical and financial resources can alleviate anxiety and open the door for further discussions.
Encouraging an Appointment
While a man cannot schedule an appointment on behalf of his partner, he can be encouraged to be part of the decision-making process. Effective ways to facilitate this include:
Offering a One-on-One Consultation: Invite him to visit the center for a private discussion.
Empowering Him to Communicate with His Partner: Provide him with information so he can encourage her to schedule an appointment.
Keeping the Door Open: If she is hesitant, maintain a supportive and non-judgmental stance for future conversations.
Suggested Script: "Joe, I appreciate you reaching out. We are here to support both you and Julie. If you would like to come in for a private consultation to discuss your concerns, we can arrange that. However, since we offer limited medical services, Julie would need to contact us directly to schedule her appointment. How about I send you some information about our services so you can share it with her?"
By validating his role, addressing his fears, and equipping him with the necessary information, he is more likely to encourage his partner to visit your center—potentially saving a life.
Final Thoughts: Maximizing Every Opportunity
While calls from men may not be frequent, each one presents an opportunity to advocate for life. A single conversation infused with compassion, information, and encouragement can influence a man’s perspective and, in turn, impact his partner’s decision.
If your center has not already implemented training on scripting for abortion-minded callers, now is the time to do so. Ensuring that every caller—both men and women—feels heard, supported, and empowered can make all the difference in fostering a culture of life.
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