Conflict is inevitable in any organization, even in pregnancy centers where the focus is on compassion and providing life-affirming support. Tensions can arise between staff members, volunteers, board members, and even patients. When handled correctly, conflict can lead to growth and stronger relationships. However, unresolved or poorly managed conflict can harm the work environment and, ultimately, the center's mission.
This article provides a framework for identifying, addressing, and resolving conflicts based on biblical principles from Matthew 18 and popular business operating systems. It covers the importance of confidentiality, the necessity of direct communication, and the reality that not all conflicts may be resolvable.
Defining Conflict
Conflict refers to a situation where there is a disagreement or clash between two or more parties due to differing perspectives, interests, values, or goals. Conflicts can arise in personal relationships, workplaces, or organizations when individuals or groups fail to align on an issue.
Conflict can manifest in various ways, such as:
Interpersonal conflict: between two individuals (e.g., coworkers or family members).
Intragroup conflict:within a team or organization.
Intergroup conflict:between different teams, departments, or organizations.
Conflicts can be healthy and constructive when they encourage dialogue, innovation, and problem-solving. However, unresolved or poorly managed conflict can lead to tension, division, and harm to relationships or organizational goals.
Identifying Conflict
The first step in conflict resolution is to identify the conflict. Sometimes, what seems like a small issue can be a symptom of a deeper, unresolved problem. Recognizing these issues early can prevent them from escalating.
Common sources of conflict in pregnancy centers include:
Miscommunication or unclear expectations.
Personality clashes or differing working styles.
Differences in values or objectives within the organization.
Power struggles related to roles and authority.
Key signs of unresolved conflict are:
Tension in meetings and regular interactions.
Reduced collaboration.
Noticeable drops in morale.
Staff or volunteers voicing complaints or grievances without addressing the involved parties directly.
Example of a Conflict in the Center
Consider a situation where Martha, the Executive Director, feels that her contributions are undervalued, her suggestions are routinely ignored, and she is frequently overruled by a dominant board member. Over time, her frustration quietly escalates, and the strain begins to show in her interactions with the board. Martha becomes disengaged, showing less enthusiasm for outreach and long-term projects, arrives late to work consistently, and exhibits signs of ambivalence and irritability. Her colleagues begin to notice these changes but assume the cause is personal. Since there’s little day-to-day interaction with board members, and Martha feels unheard, she chooses not to share her feelings—nor do the board members inquire.
Unbeknownst to everyone, her unaddressed frustrations begin to impact the atmosphere at the center. Emotionally and spiritually exhausted, Martha eventually reaches the conclusion that she’s no longer suited for this role. She submits her resignation, leaving the board and staff scrambling to find a new Director.
This scenario is common in pregnancy centers and ministry settings. Often, our humility and gentle nature prompt us to remain forgiving and avoid confrontation. But when conflicts remain unspoken or unresolved, they can snowball from a minor issue into a much more damaging situation.
Applying Matthew 18: A Biblical Approach to Conflict
In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus outlines a model for addressing conflict that emphasizes direct communication, reconciliation, and escalating issues in a structured way when necessary. Look at these steps for Biblical Conflict Resolution.
Step 1: One-on-One Discussion
According to Matthew 18:15, the first step is for the individuals involved to address the issue privately. This step ensures the conversation remains confidential, giving the opportunity for honest dialogue without the risk of shaming or embarrassing the person who may be at fault. Confidentiality is critical here, especially in cases of strong conflict, as airing grievances publicly can damage relationships beyond repair.
Example Statements to Initiate Discussion:
"Joan, there is something that has been bothering me about our interactions at board meetings. You may be unaware but at times when you ___________, it makes me feel_________. I have prayed and submitted those feelings to the Lord but can’t seem to get past them. Can we discuss how this might be resolved?”
Step 2: Involving Witnesses
If the issue isn’t resolved after a private conversation, the next step, according to Matthew 18:16, is to bring in one or two neutral individuals who can help mediate. These witnesses should be trusted, impartial individuals, such as a supervisor or another respected colleague.
Example Statements to Continue Discussion:
“Don, as the Chairman of the board, I was wondering if I might confidentially discuss something that has been bothering me for quite some time. I have privately spoken to Joan about her somewhat disrespectful behavior toward me at board meetings. I feel as though it’s fallen on deaf ears. So in the spirit of Matthew 18, I was wondering if you might mediate a second conversation between the two us and see if we can come to a resolution.”
"Joan, I had hopes that when we talked last that the issue would be resolved but unfortunately I am seeing the same type of behavior and no real effort for improvement or focus on resolution. We may not see eye to eye but I would like to find some balance of respect and compassion for the best interest of the center. I have privately shared my concerns with Don in the hopes that he can be a neutral mediator between the two of us”
Step 3: Involving Leadership
If the conflict still remains unresolved, the next step (Matthew 18:17) is to involve leadership. In a pregnancy center, this could mean bringing the issue to the Executive Director, the board, or another high-level decision maker. Leadership can provide a final perspective and, if necessary, facilitate an action plan for resolution.
Example Leadership Involvement Question:
"Dear Board. I am writing to inform you that there has been some conflict over the past months between Joan and myself. I have prayed about this for quite some time, privately spoken to her about the issue and also involved Don as a mediator in the hopes that we would come to some kind of resolution. Sadly, it seems as though this issue will not be easily resolved. I am requesting that we set aside some time to discuss this ongoing conflict as Matthew 18 would instruct. If after this Joan and I cannot find a way to amicably work together, I may chose to give notice”
This structured approach mirrors the importance of maintaining relationships and ensuring that everyone feels heard. It also aligns with pregnancy centers' missions to provide support and compassion not just to clients, but within the team.
Confidentiality and Respect
One of the most crucial aspects of conflict resolution, especially in a sensitive environment like a pregnancy center, is the need for confidentiality. Whether the conflict involves staff, volunteers, or leadership, it’s important to handle issues privately and with respect. Publicly shaming or gossiping about those involved can damage reputations and destroy trust. Regardless of the outcome, it’s important to allow space for grace and forgiveness.
When Conflicts Cannot Be Resolved
Despite best efforts, there are times when conflicts cannot be fully resolved. In these cases, it’s essential to part ways amicably. Whether the conflict involves a volunteer, staff member, or leadership figure, the goal should always be to preserve relationships as much as possible.
When parting ways, ensure the process is respectful and avoids public scrutiny. For example, if a staff member must leave due to unresolved conflict, communicate the decision privately and with empathy, leaving the door open for future collaboration.
Example Statement for Sharing Departure:
“After much prayer and consideration, Joan, the secretary of the board, has made the decision to step down from her position. We appreciate her many contributions and for serving our ministry with her time and talents for the last 2 years. We wish her the best in her future endeavors and are hopeful the Lord is preparing our new board member to join us soon”
Conclusion
Conflict resolution in a pregnancy center requires a thoughtful, structured approach that balances biblical wisdom with practical business strategies. Following the principles of Matthew 18 ensures that conflicts are handled with grace, clarity and structure ensuring confidentiality and respect which are key components to strengthening relationships. By addressing conflict directly and with care, pregnancy centers can maintain their focus on their vital mission of supporting mothers and advocating for the unborn, while also fostering a healthy and supportive work environment.
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